This past weekend, I found out a dear friend of mine is pregnant. As much as I a adore her and love her, and as much as she tried to wait for the oppertune moment and the perfect timing, it didn't go that way, and ended up with me weeping, her feeling bad for not telling me, and the person who unknowingly announced it feeling horrible. It was a mess, but we all quickly turned it around.
I had just told my husband a couple of days prior that I know that when I get the news of someone being pregnant for the first time since my miscarriage that it would probably be hard for me to handle. Little did I know how hard.
My friend mentioned above had suffered a miscarriage years earlier. Because of this, she knows full well the pain and heartache that goes along with loosing a baby. She had struggled with just how to tell me, without hurting me. I could not blame her for getting pregnant, nor was it my place to get mad with her because of it. But there is true heartache in loosing a baby, and when you see pregnant woman or babies or in this case hear of a friend's pregnancy announcment, your heart can and may break.
My reminder to pregnant ladies is this: Please tell us about your babies. But don't rub it in our faces. I once had someone tell me during our two years of trying(and all the heartache that comes with that that they fully were aware of) that they decided to have a baby because it was easy. We want to hear about the fact that you found out you are pregnant, but don't get upset with us if we cry. WE ARE NOT MAKING THIS ABOUT US. We are human. No matter how many times I try to swallow my pain, sometimes it comes raring back up into my face. Don't hide your joy from us. We do not have a disease. It is not something you can catch, so please do not exclude us from events that revolve around your baby. Just keep in mind we may not be able to attend as our hearts are still trying to heal. When you don't talk about your baby, you are doing our baby an injustice.
For us ladies who have angel babies: your friend's hearts ache for you. This friend of mine held off because she was so nervous I would get sad and didn't want to hurt me. I had another friend who would ask me every month if I was pregnant before one month saying she hated to tell me but she was pregnant. As much as we don't want to go to those baby showers, and talk about baby stuff... try it... If you can make it for a little bit, for a very special friend, do it. If you can't, THAT IS OK. Send the mom a message, just let her know you are thinking of her, and be honest, that you just can't handle it emotionally. A couple weeks after my miscarriage we had a friend who had a baby shower, I was honest with them, and they told me not to be silly and that they were praying for me.
I told my friend, who is only 20 days behind where I was, that I appreciated her. Because she had had a miscarriage, she must have had that fear come back to her when I told her we lost our baby. I also let her know that her baby will be very loved... extra specialy so by me. I made a promise to myself and to God that day... When I see her, or if I get sad about the loss of our little one, I made a promise to say a prayer for my friend and for her baby. This is something I can do with my pain, something to take a positive turn around.
No comments:
Post a Comment