Seeing With New Eyes

This past week I was able to attend a Seeds Conference that my church was live streaming.  Figured we would check it out after work on the nights they had a service available.  Every single one touched my heart, but two just... blew me away... I know they were not talking directly to me, but it sure seemed like it at some parts.  I know God wanted me and my husband there, and this is just ONE of many reasons why. 

One preacher, Dino Rizzo spoke about God's vantage point in our lives.  How we should try to view our lives as God views them, and see the big picture, what He sees when He places things into our lives.  He talked about the story of Abraham and Isaac.  How God asked Abraham to sacrifice the son he loved so much, and Abraham didn't hesitate and did as God asked. 

Dino hit on four key points: 

1. Obedience: are you ok with not being in the know about your future?  It is ok to not be in the know, because God always knows. But we must listen and follow His instructions when given to us.

2. Faith:  We are not people of perfect faith, but we are people of living faith.  

3. Trust: Be tested, but keep trusting.  God is the conductor of my life. God will provide, God will show up. 

4. God loves me.  When you struggle, remember he still loves you.  Walk in confidence that you are loved, cherished, valued and you matter. He is hovering over you in your life. 

These hit me hard as they seem to go along with our journey. We began to obey, (went back to church, dedicated our lives back to God.)  We had faith he would do big things (we got pregnant)  We trusted even though we were tested (through our miscarriage)  We must remember that God loves us and he is with us always (this is where we are now) 

The next morning, I saw a quote from Rick Warren, I will post it in the picture below.  I was blown away by it, and how yes, it hit right home to me. 

The next night, before Craig Groeschel spoke, they sang Set A Fire, which is a song I mentioned before: played the day I was baptized, (two days after we found out we were pregnant), played at the ladies retreat as I worshiped God for this new blessing, and played the weekend after we lost our baby.  ALWAYS brings me to tears.. So I knew that God was softening my heart, getting it ready for what I needed to hear. 

Right after that, Willie George told a story.  He told about when he was younger, and trying to become the main preacher at a second night service at a church. It was between him and one other guy.  He bombed, the other guy was amazing.  He was broken hearted and crushed.  No matter what, he had a decision to make, and that was to rejoice when someone else is blessed.  

This hit me hard as many friends have been announcing pregnancies, and many other friends are getting ready to have their babies, right around my due date, May 4th.  I try not to get upset and sad and jealous, but it happens.  I've been working on rejoicing with them for their blessing, instead of being sad because of my circumstances. 

Craig then preached.  At first I wasn't to sure how things would apply to me, but I was ready to listen.  And right off the bat, I was hit with it.  He was talking about limited resources, and how we think we can't because we don't, where as the mind shift should be, we CAN because we don't.  Limited resources shouldn't stop you from doing God's work.  How does this apply? Here you go... the next part went as such: "Limited resources will help you see what you would not see if you had what you needed.  God often provides by what He withholds.  He withholds so you can see what you need.  If you have the thing you wanted the most, you may not see what you need to see."  I was blown away..  

The answer was right there... God withholds from us what we want the most, so we can see what we need. This is not saying that I still wouldn't just LOVE to be only two months away from having a little baby in my arms, not saying that at all.  But saying if we didn't go through that hurt, that pain, then maybe we wouldn't be able to reach those how we have been able to because of our hurt.  We couldn't have a baby for two years. Two long years.  Our faith was tested, but lacked.  Just when it was back, we were blessed, only to have it tested again. This time with God on our sides.  

It was reiterated that night as Craig went on to say, "The pathway to your greatest potential is straight through your greatest fear. The thing you fear the most may be the place God wants you the most. Step out of the boat, have faith and learn to walk on water."   Different circumstances, but hit me hard again.  

As we try to conceive yet again, we have the many questions: will it take another two years, will it even happen again, was that our one baby, and if it does happen again, will I be able to carry full term?  

I don't know the answer to any of those questions.  And I am ok with it.  Yes, I'm human and I will still have my days where I will grief, and I may question, but I have that eternal hope that this path was made specifically FOR me and my husband FROM God.  It's not a bad path, it's ours, and we are not alone in it.  We have Him by our sides, walking with us, holding us tight.  There is no need to fear, no need to worry, just need to trust, and remember we are loved. 

I'm amazed at how much my eyes keep being opened from God, over and over and over again. He has been teaching and molding us in such a way that would not happen had we not had this pain this hurt this loss in our lives.  I am so grateful to be able to go on this journey!  I am so grateful to be able to become closer to our God because of this.  He is moving in our marriage, in our walk with Him... I am blessed.